Meanderings...

After almost twenty years of trying to find my voice, I am once again confronted by a blank page. Ever since I can remember I have possessed a penchant for keeping my thoughts, emotions, and ideas about the world within the safe confines of my head where they remain unassailable, free from judgment, speculation, and ridicule. My big sister once observed that “one of the greatest struggles that arises from being a human being (besides living and loving) is loneliness. Loneliness does not always have to do with the number of people around; more profoundly, it comes from the connections one can (or cannot) make from one's experiences to the experiences of others.”


Some time ago however, I realized that I am not content just to be alive; rather I desire to live and to do so deliberately. And so, here I am, putting my thoughts, ideas, and experiences out there for the world to read that I might overcome alexithymia. In doing so, I hope to gain a clearer understanding of myself by sharing and partaking in the cathartic effects of language. –AB

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Inside My Back Pocket

je ne sais quoi (zhə-nə-ˌsā-ˈkwä) n. a quality or attribute that is difficult to describe or express; an unspoken and intangible essence that makes a person attractive.

insouciance: (in-soo'-sients) n. lighthearted unconcern; nonchalance.

squirrel: v. to store away for future use; to save for later.

preprandial: adj. suitable for the time just before dinner (ex: a preprandial drink)

recondite: adj. difficult to comprehend or understand; hidden from sight; concealed (ex: a recondite subject)

raconteur: (ra-kahn-ter) n. a person who is clever at telling stories.

repartee: (re-pər-ˈtē) n. a quick, witty reply or conversation.

bumptious: adj. presumptuously, obtusely, and often noisily self-assertive; obtrusive

arcane: adj. secret

metanoia: n. a transformative change of heart; a spiritual conversion.

maladroit: adj. clumsy

niggling: adj. petty; bothersome or persistent especially in a petty or tiresome way

ilk: n. of the same kind

bric a brac: n. a miscellaneous collection of small articles commonly of ornamental or sentimental value; trinkets.

mendacity: n. the quality or state of being untruthful; a lie.

veneer: n. a superficial or deceptively attractive appearance, display, or effect.

fin: n. (slang) a five dollar bill.

extemporaneous: adj. makeshift; produced on the spur of the moment.

platitude: n. the quality or state of being dull or insipid.

rapport: n. marked by harmony, conformity, accord, or affinity.

esoteric: adj. designed for or understood by the specially initiated alone; private; confidential.

apoplectic: adj. greatly excited or angered.

schadenfreude: ('shaw-den-froi-duh) n. a mischievous, slightly tickling feeling of delight procured by observing another's discomfort.

changeableness: I didn't think this was a word, but as it turns out...it is! It's a noun meaning, "levity; apt to vary; alterable."

prolix: adj. so wordy as to be tiresome; long-winded; using more words than necessary.

apple pie: adj. perfect; in order.

malapropism: (MAL-uh-pro-pism) n. the use of a word sounding somewhat like the one intended but ludicrously wrong in the context.

trichotillomania: (tri-kuh-ti-luh-ˈmā-nē-uh) n. an abnormal desire to pull out one's hair.

glib: adj. Marked by ease and informality.

chalet: (sha-ˈlā) n. a cottage with overhanging leaves (such as the one in Miss Potter :) )

raraavis: (rer-ə-ˈā-vəs) n. an unusual or extraordinary person or thing; the quality, state, or fact of being rare.

puissance: (PYEW-eh-sense) n. strength; power.

gregarious: (greh-GAR-ious) adj. sociable.

lickspittle: n. one who flatters with the hope of gaining favors; a parasite; toady; a sycophant.

ersatz: (air'-sahtz) adj. being a usually artificial and inferior substitute or imitation.

mordant:(mor'-dent) adj. penetrating; sarcastic

unpalatable: (un-pa'lat-able) adj. disagreeable; unpleasant.

impervious: (im-per'-vee-ous) adj. not capable of being affected or disturbed; impenetrable.

proclivity: (pro-KLIV-ity) n. an inclination or predisposition toward something; especially : a strong inherent inclination toward something objectionable.

inure:(in-yoor') tr. v. to accustom to accept something undesirable

obtuse:(ub-TOO-se) adj. dull; non-stimulating (as of a person or a conversation); lacking sharpness or quickness of sensibility or intellect: insensitive, stupid.

obsequious: (ub-SEE-kwee-ous) adj. subservient.

rigmarole: (ri’-gə-mə-rōl) n. confused or meaningless talk.

plucky: adj. spirited; brave.

sesquipedalian: (ses-kwə-pə-ˈdāl-yən) adj. using long words

glitterati: (gli-tuh-RAH-tee) n. pl. beautiful people; celebrities.

dumpy: adj. being short and thick in build; squat.

steatopygia: (stē-a-tə-ˈpi-j(ē-)ə) n. an excessive development of fat on the buttocks that occurs chiefly among women of some African peoples

emunctory: (i-mung-tuh-ree) n. related to nose blowing.

confabulate: (kon-FAB-yoo-late) adj. to chat

gratuitous: (gruh-TOO-i-tous) adj. given freely

pleonasm: (PLEE-uh-na-zem) the use of more words than those necessary to denote mere sense; redundancy.

banausic: (buh-naw'-sic) adj. dully mechanical, purely functional or materialistic.

sobriquet: (ˈsō-bri-ˌkā) n. a nickname

polemical: adj. controversial

blasé: (blah-zay) adj. bored; apathetic to pleasure or excitement as a result of excessive indulgence or enjoyment

zephyr: (zeh-fer) n. a gentle breeze.

argent: n. silver in color (the argent moon)

lurid: (loor-id) adj. causing horror or revulsion; gruesome; shocking; ghastly.

punctilious: adj. careful

glitterati: (gli-tuh-RAH-tee) n. pl. beautiful people; celebrities.

coup d'etat: (KOO-de-tah) n. the sudden overthrow of a government by a usually small group of people in or previously in positions of authority.

fauz pas: (foh-pAH) n. a social blunder.

corpulent:(KOR-pyoo-lent) adj. having a large, bulky body; obese. .

quixotic: (quix-ah'-tik) adj. marked by rash lofty romantic ideas or extravagantly chivalrous action; capricious; unpredictable.

swagger: (intransitive verb) to conduct oneself in an arrogant or superciliously pompous manner

defenestrate: (di-FEN-istrate) v. to throw a person or a thing out of a window.

mealymouthed: adj. not plain or straightforward; devious. (Hilary Clinton is a mealymouthed politician)

lemming: (pronounced as-is) n. a rodent; a despicable person.

rheum: (room) n. tears

goober: n. a peanut.

rime: (rhyme) n. morning frost

prevaricate: (pre-var-i-kate) v. to lie; to tell a falsehood.

scuttlebutt: (skuh'-dull-but) n. a rumor; gossip.

chimera: (ki-mer-uh) n. an impossible or foolish fancy; an illusion or fabrication of the mind; it can also be a fire-breathing she-monster in Greek mythology that has the head of a lion, a goat's body, and a snake's tail.

languid: (lang'-wid) adj. lacking force or quickness of movement; listless; sluggish as if from exhaustion; weak.

impalpable: (im-PAL-pa-ble) adj. incapable of being felt by touch; intangible

demure: (di-myur') adj. reserved; modest.

placate: (ˈplā-ˌkāt) v. to soothe or mollify especially by concessions; to appease; to pacify.

banausic: (bah-NO-sik) adj. merely mechanical; routine

doppleganger: (dä-pəl-ˌgaŋ-ər) n. a ghostly counterpart of a living person; a person who has the same name as another.

vicissitudes: (və-ˈsi-sə-ˌtüd) n. the quality or state of being changeable; mutability

logorrhea: (log-ah-REE-ah)n. excessive, incoherent talkativeness.

alexithymia :(ah-lek-sah-THI-mee-ah) n. the inability to describe emotions in a verbal manner.

viridescent: (vir-ə-ˈde-sənt) adj. slightly green; greenish.

acrimonious: (a-krə-ˈmō-nē-əs) adj. caustic, biting, or rancorous especially in feeling, language, or manner.

sardonic: (sär-ˈdä-nik) adj. disdainfully or skeptically humorous; derisively mocking; sarcastic.

implacable: (im-ˈpla-kə-bəl) adj. not capable of being appeased, significantly changed, or mitigated.

panacea: (pa-nə-ˈsē-ə) n. a remedy for all ills or difficulties; a cure-all.

haecceity: (hek-see'i-tee) n. the essence that makes something the kind of thing that it is and different from any other; a term used to express individuality or singleness; most literally, this-ness.

rhinotillexomaniac: (rino-til-ex'-o-maniac) n. someone who compulsively picks their nose.

superfluous: (soȯ-ˈpər-flü-əs) adj. exceeding what is sufficient or necessary; marked by wastefulness or extravagance; unnecessary.

cornucopia: (kor-ne-co'-pee-uh): n. an inexhaustible store; abundance.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

'09 Resolutions

1-Be more spontaneous
2-Take risks
3-Worry less. Trust God more.
4-Be more thoughtful
5-Learn to Latin dance (maybe take a class?)
6-Begin sketching again
7-Laugh more
8-Visit Sarah in Trinidad
9-Improve my vocabulary
10-Take myself less seriously
11-Go on an adventure
12-Watch the entire fourth season of House
13-Pay close attention to details
14-Become a better sibling/daughter/friend/person in general...
15-Stop biting my nails
16-Pick up a basketball more frequently
17-Be less self-critical
18-Continue spinning
19-Finish my memoir
20-Live