Meanderings...

After almost twenty years of trying to find my voice, I am once again confronted by a blank page. Ever since I can remember I have possessed a penchant for keeping my thoughts, emotions, and ideas about the world within the safe confines of my head where they remain unassailable, free from judgment, speculation, and ridicule. My big sister once observed that “one of the greatest struggles that arises from being a human being (besides living and loving) is loneliness. Loneliness does not always have to do with the number of people around; more profoundly, it comes from the connections one can (or cannot) make from one's experiences to the experiences of others.”


Some time ago however, I realized that I am not content just to be alive; rather I desire to live and to do so deliberately. And so, here I am, putting my thoughts, ideas, and experiences out there for the world to read that I might overcome alexithymia. In doing so, I hope to gain a clearer understanding of myself by sharing and partaking in the cathartic effects of language. –AB

Thursday, December 18, 2008

About Plaque

Catherine walked into my room where I sat at my desk intently writing out analytical proofs. Her curly hair was stuffed beneath a multicolored hat that Rachel knitted last Christmas. The hat, along with her black turtleneck, framed her face in a manner that highlighted the roundness and rosiness of her cheeks. She carried her science book under one arm and gripped a packet of gum in her other hand.

"Hey Manda" she said. Catherine walked up to where I sat and rested her chin on my right shoulder.

"Hey Pooks!" I said, wrapping my arm around her waist and pulling her into my lap. I grabbed her snuggly and placed a long kiss upon a soft spot between her cheekbone and her ear. Catherine's cheeks were still warm. I saw Catherine wince as I released her with a loud, "Mwah!"

"You hate it when I do that, huh?" I said, smiling as she grinned. "No, I don't mind" she said. "If I had a little sister with cheeks like mine, I'd probably kiss them too." Her empathy amused me. She hopped off of my lap and pointed to her science book, which by now had found a comfortable spot upon the floor beside my desk.

"Um, I'm learning about plaque" she said. Her dark eyes grew wide as she stared at me expectantly. I loved Catherine's eyes. They resembled deep, black pools of ink that appeared as if they had been dropped into her eyes by a wet, black, paintbrush.

"Ooo," I replied. "So you can tell me how to take care of my teeth?" I had given Catherine the cue to begin telling me all that she knew on the subject.

"Well," she began, reaching far down into her diaphragm for breath. "Plaque doesn't just start forming when you eat candy or sugar. You really should brush your teeth after every meal."

"Really?" I asked, genuinely interested.

"Uh huh." She replied. "Even though you brush your teeth hard for two mintes or something, that doesn't mean that you got all of the bacteria out of your mouth. Some of it gets trapped between your teeth."

I winced. "That sounds gross" I said.

"That's why you should floss" she continued. "But there's a certain way that you have to floss or else you could cut your gums and food will get in there and infect them."

Provided with a gross visual, I could feel my nose starting to itch. Ever since I can remember, my nose would begin to itch whenever I encountered something gross or even remotely creepy.

Catherine continued, amused by my discomfort. "Your teeth could start to fall out. If your gums bleed easily when you brush your teeth or floss, if they get puffy, if your teeth start to hurt, or if you have bad breath, you probably have gum disease."

"So how do my teeth look?" I asked, throwing my head back and opening my mouth wide for her to inspect. She pulled my head back farther so that she could get a better look and made her assessment. "Um, you don't have any cavities" she said. "And you're chewing gum, so your breath smells like spearmint." I chuckled, causing myself to nearly choke on my gum.

"But you should floss after every meal" she advised, "or else you'll get plaque and it'll start to eat away at your teeth until they fall out." She sauntered out of the room and down the hallway. I heard her walk into my parent's room where Sophia sat on their bed reading.

"Hey Sophia," I heard Catherine say. "You wanna know about plaque?"

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