Meanderings...

After almost twenty years of trying to find my voice, I am once again confronted by a blank page. Ever since I can remember I have possessed a penchant for keeping my thoughts, emotions, and ideas about the world within the safe confines of my head where they remain unassailable, free from judgment, speculation, and ridicule. My big sister once observed that “one of the greatest struggles that arises from being a human being (besides living and loving) is loneliness. Loneliness does not always have to do with the number of people around; more profoundly, it comes from the connections one can (or cannot) make from one's experiences to the experiences of others.”


Some time ago however, I realized that I am not content just to be alive; rather I desire to live and to do so deliberately. And so, here I am, putting my thoughts, ideas, and experiences out there for the world to read that I might overcome alexithymia. In doing so, I hope to gain a clearer understanding of myself by sharing and partaking in the cathartic effects of language. –AB

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Jurassic Park

Catherine came into the kitchen clutching the 400+ page Jurassic Park novel by Michael Crichton in her tiny fists. Her hair was in a curly mess on top of her head and sleep was still written all over her face. “What are you doing Manda?” she asked as she took a seat at the kitchen table. “Morning Pooks!” I said as I stooped down to give her a kiss. Her cheeks were flushed and still warm. “I’m making a cheesecake for mom’s birthday,” I said as I began to crush graham crackers for the crust. “Oh,” Catherine replied. “Do you want something to eat?” I asked. “Um, I’m okay,” she said. “Manda, do you want me to read to you while you cook?” “Sure,” I replied as I handed her the spoon to the cheesecake batter. She began to lick the spoon as she turned to what seemed like the center of the book. “You’re not going to start at the beginning?” I asked. Catherine looked up at me and grinned, cheesecake batter plastered to the sides of her mouth. “I’m just going to read you the interesting parts” she said as her eyes became wide and mischievous.

“Ed’s left arm was barely attached to his body,” Catherine began. “The deep gash that extended from his collar bone to his navel exposed his bloody entrails. To Dr. Carter’s surprise Ed sat up. He stared at her blankly before vomiting up blood.” Out of my peripheral vision I could see Catherine glance up at me to gauge my reaction. “Before going unconscious, Ed mumbled one word…‘raptor!’” she said dramatically. “Doesn’t that give you chills Manda!” Catherine exclaimed excitedly. “That’s freaky Pooks,” I said. “Do you know that velociraptors are the most lethal predators?” she said. “Their claws are over half a foot long and they can travel over ten feet in less than a second!” “Wow,” I replied. “And do you know that it’s worse to get eaten by a raptor than a T-Rex?” she continued. “Why is that?” I replied. “‘Cause a T-Rex just rips you apart and you’re dead in a second. With a raptor though, you’re alive for a while before you die.” Catherine was still grinning as she continued to clutch the spoon. “Manda?” she said. “Yes Catherine?” I replied. “Um…can I have the bowl too?”

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