Misunderstood

"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going." -John 3: 8

There are many things that I don't understand about God. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that God is real. I have seen Him show up in my life in more ways than there is space here to enumerate. I do not base my faith in God upon what I can see. Rather for me God is much like air; though I cannot see Him, I see evidence of Him all around me. I do not pretend however, to understand everything about God or the ways in which He chooses to work. For some time I have been trying to make sense of God's love in light of all of the pain, suffering, violence, death, greed, and hate that characterize human existence.

If God is in fact all knowing, then He knew before he created mankind that we would sin; He knew before laying the foundations of the earth that evil would perpetuate human suffering; He knows before a child enters this world whether or not that child will either accept or reject Him. So then what's the point? If God is simultaneously all knowing and all loving, then how do I make sense of life's brutal realities? How do I make sense of my life and the purpose for which I walk this earth?

One of my friends once said to me that free will is a farce. "The Bible says that Jesus is the only way to eternal life," he said. "That's much like God inserting a child into a den of lions then hanging a rope above the cage saying, 'Take the rope! This shows how much I love you!'" I thought about what he said for a long time after we had this discussion. If God is in fact omniscient, then He knew before He created the earth that it would become sinful. At the same time, the only way to escape the eternal death that accompanies sin is through Christ. So how does God in fact give us a choice? How is this evidence of God's love for us? From my friend's point of view God says, 'love me or go to hell.' For a long time I wrestled with these questions and continued to ask myself, "So then what's the point?"

Tonight I had some time to think and not surprisingly, these questions made their way back to the forefront of my consciousness. I started thinking about what I believe and more importantly, why I believe what I believe: I believe that God has a plan for mankind and that every person is here for a purpose. Why? Well when I look throughout the Old and the New Testaments I see the extent to which God has embarked on a series of restoration projects to restore mankind back to Himself. After man sinned, God could have scrapped the earth, and us for that matter, but He didn't. Instead, He tried to find ways to restore the fellowship that we once shared with Him. Initially, people had to sacrifice animals, follow thousands of laws, provide burnt offerings, wash themselves over and over, and eat certain foods in order to become good enough for God. But God recognized that we would always fall short of being good enough for Him. So instead of giving up on us, God paid the ultimate blood sacrifice for our sin through the death of His son Christ. When God said that "the penalty for sin is death," He wasn't joking. But to atone for my sins, God died in my place.

While sin placed mankind upon a path leading towards death, God offers us an alternative to this fate if we accept the grace brought through Christ's death. It became clear to me that each of us do in fact have a choice. We can choose not to choose, in which case we remain upon the human trajectory that leads to death, or we can choose Jesus, in which case we remain sinful, however our sins become atoned for through the grace that God offers us through Christ.

But I still had a hard time reconciling God's omniscience with His incredible love for me. Then I got to thinking: "What if God puts limitations on Himself because of the unfathomable depths of His love for us?" I thought about the ways in which God has placed various limitations upon Himself: God chooses to work through people to whom He gives the choice to either love Him or not to love Him; through Jesus, God risked rejection and left Himself susceptible to sin and to the temptations of man; God chooses not to remember our sins once we confess them. This last realization stuck with me for a while. In my mind, if God can choose not to remember, then He can certainly choose not to know some things. God says that "I, even I, am the one who wipes out your sins for My own sake. I will not remember your sins" (Isaiah 43:25, Hebrews 8:12, 10:17). So technically, if God is in fact omniscient, then He should remember all of my sins even though He forgives them; but He doesn't. Whereas forgetting is unintentional, choosing not to remember is an act of the will. It is an act that is motivated entirely by love. In my mind, if God, because of His love for us, chooses not to remember our sins, then perhaps He also limits Himself by choosing not to know; perhaps he places restrictions upon His own omniscience.

While I believe that God knows the beginning and the ultimate end of His plan for humanity I believe that for the time in between, God chooses to limit His own omniscience. Contrary to what I formerly thought, I don't believe that God has it set in stone who will love Him and who will not; I'm not certain that He knows nor am I sure that He wants to know. In many ways, I believe that God waits to see how I will choose to live my life even as I am living it. He waits to see if I want His input and doesn't give it unless I ask for it. It's difficult for me to understand what I have done to merit this kind of unconditional love and it makes me love Him even more.

I've found that so many people, including myself, have a hard time letting themselves be loved. I'm not sure I 'll ever understand why God loves me so deeply, but He does. He neither forces His love upon us nor demands anything in return. Rather He offers His love freely and it is one that we can either embrace or reject. Sometimes I feel as if I should have to do something to warrant God's adoration because it's difficult to comprehend why God would love me despite my shortcomings and despite my sin. God's love is the kind that says, 'Come to me as you are.' He loves us enough to give us the choice to reject Him. For those of us who do, He loves us nonetheless.